Thoughts

If I am honest with myself… I am tired of looking, searching, figuring out, waiting… for love. I’m trying to see it before it happens, but right now my vision is a little weary. Tired of the disappointment and constant frustration of.. yet another one biting the dust.. tired of insincerity and false promises from those who never have the intention of staying around. Clearly my picker is wrong… cause I often think I am difficult to love or something. I know I have my qualms and my issues but this can’t be life. Tired of emotionally empty nights spent next to men who don’t wanna treat me right. Tired of giving pieces of my heart on the hopes of flying on the wings of love. I’m just tired. At the verge of… giving up.. I just want the one who is meant for me.. where he at?

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See it before you see it

Tonight I listened to one of my favorite singer and musicians Avery Sunshine. I LOVE her so much and she is a great inspiration to me. She shared a song that she wrote before she met her husband who is also awesome. As she was introducing the song, she stated for those who are looking for love 🙌🏽(me) you gotta see it before you see it. That spoke to me. Saturday, May 2nd is my 35th birthday. I had hoped to be married and popping by now but other plans and life happens. However, no matter how many disappointments I encounter with dating and relationships, I still believe and desire love. I believe that love is for me. I believe marriage is for me. So I will take Avery’s testimony and word of wisdom and see it now while continuing in prayer over my future forever boo. I have written plenty of poems about love. But never one that truly speaks what I see into existence. Well.. maybe one. I am emotionally writing this message but y’all get the gist. Gotta see it before I see it. Speak life into it. Speak it and will it into existence.

Strange Chemistry

We. Are. Strange.

Unique.

Weird.

Quirky.

Awkward.

See around him

I become this different version of me

Shy but open

Slightly off but always on

He incites a special part of me

That very few get to see

He opens me up to new ideas

New ways of thinking

He enlightens me

Got me over here contemplating life and

Thangs

Got the nerve to have me

Creating poetry about

A we..

And I don’t even know if that is to be..

But

He moves me

Mentally and spiritually

Opening my being

Allowing my essence to

Be free

Breathe. Out. Loud.

Blooming

From the way he

Holds me

Safe and sound

I wanna quiet the sound of

Outside noise

That makes me want to doubt

Question his intentions

And run..

Cause

This man is special

Black and proud

Gifted and talented

A man of character

A revolution in himself

He is…

Different

He tickles my fancy

And make my spidey senses tingle

And When he hugs me

Peace captures me in its grasp

Got me hoping and praying

That this grows

Into this strangely beautiful

And special..

Entity..

For he is a happy place

For me

He is friend and lover

Mover and shaker

And we get to eat delicious food

Together

Listen to different genres of grooves

Together..

We. Are. Strange

We have this magical

Yet beautifully strange chemistry

We have similarities but differences of plenty

And although we are different

When we come together…

Serenity

I can’t explain it

Don’t really understand it

We just strange

Unique.

Weird

Quirky

Awkward.

And it’s beautiful.

Fear pt. 1

There are parts of me

That want to scream

Out. Loud.

I love you…

But I can’t, I won’t,

Because it’s not what I want to do right now…

Surrounded by memories of

Past loves and

Frankly, baby,

I’m tired

Exhausted for the giving of myself

On this notion that

They. Were. Love..

They were, but just not with me..

You see…

I have many years

And many tears

That have created their own wall of

Caution around my heart

And even though

You are built to last

You are an unexpected blessing

And I enjoy every second with you

I refuse to

Say those words again

Cause I’m tired.

And I’m terrified…

so although I want to

Scream out loud

I love you,

I won’t.

Love After Love

I sometimes find it difficult to

Believe in love after love

Because

Time after time

I have tried

And failed

This last time damn near broke me

Pain felt

Unimaginably

Suffering in the silence of

What I thought could be

But it couldn’t

And it wouldn’t

So I cried

Many nights to myself

Wondering if there was something

I could have done differently

Truth is

Yea… but the end result most likely

Would have been the same

I do not hate or regret

I cherish and reflect

Because I gave love

It was honest and true

And it helped me to grow

Into another version of beautiful

Learned life lessons that I can apply

Whenever I decide to try

Again

And no matter what

No matter how difficult

I will believe in

Love after love…

Fin

I am. Part 1

I am woman

I am movement

Calm, soothing vibrations

Gently swaying back and forth

I am an inviting energy

Creative

Momentous

Surrounding everything with love

While spreading my light so others can shine

I am the embodiment of

I am

I am woman

Amazing and kind

Gentle and warm

Gangsta and real

I am Queen

Standing with my head held high

Walking in majesty

Rocking these purple locs

Cause

Royalty is written in my

DNA

My blueprint for living

My vision, my destiny

I am woman

Unearthed

Bringing forth light unto others

Allowing my gifts to uplift and shine

No longer sitting on the sidelines

No longer accepting less than

Because I am an expression

Of more

Always recognizing that

Always asserting that

I am deserving of more

Therefore I give unto myself

More

I am woman

Proud, Black, and Beautiful

I laugh, I cry, I sing, I pray,

Never allowing my crown

To be removed

I am woman

I am all that I am

And then some

I am enough

I am every vision of love

Because love lives in my being

It runs through my veins

It covers me

I am woman

I am movement

Calm and gangsta

Royalty and love

A moving force

A gentle touch

The sweetest smile

And warming hugs

I am woman.

Newness

i must admit..

i havent smiled.. like this..

in quite some time..

your energy

wraps around me

pulling me..

soo into you..

this new found..

this.. willingness to..

be open..

this..

ability..

to share with you..

secret things..

and you not.. judge me.

got me rethinking..some things.

cuz once upon a time..

i said..

i would never..

allow another to

get this close to me..

again.. breaking down..

all barriers.

getting deep beneath my skin..

you did that.

how..

i dont know.

but.. i dont mind..

its almost like.

u appeared..

just in the nick of time.

and i am tho.rough.ly..

enjoying..

these..

moments.. of…us..

these… moments of..

gaining trust..

these.. moments..

i wouldnt want to share them with anyone else..

thank you…

for..

the continued..

smiles.

Peace, Be Still!

I cannot sleep

Acid reflux and anxious thinking

Keep me

From resting

Gently

Sipping water

To ease the pain of

Acid

Creeping. Up. My.

Esophagus.

Attempting to pray

To quiet the anxious thinking

Because I did not debrief my crazy

And fear is trying to

Creep. Back. In

Unwilling to release its hold on me

Attempting to keep me in

Captivity

A prisoner of my own mind

Future tripping

Scared of the unknown

Afraid of… what if’s and

Fear knows that

So it taunts me with images

That cause me to question…

Me.

Causing me to react

In fear of… what if…

Rather than seeing clearly

The picture that is in front of me

The life that I am walking daily

Living in the present

Smiling in the present

Loving in the present

But fear… has reminded me of

What if’s…

and so now I am up…

attempting to pray silent prayers

To quiet out my crazy

To shut down the noisiness of

Fear

To challenge my faulty thinking

To stop myself of a spiral of anxious driven living.

To tell the anxious part of me

That it’s okay, we are okay. Chill the eff out.

To remind myself of who God is in me and that

He did not give me the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.

To be able to love out loud and live my life filled with purpose

I am praying for peace

For quieted thoughts and

Gentle reminders of the love that surrounds me

Because I no longer will allow

Fear to consume me…

to use and abuse me

To keep me from being happy and free

~ JJ Nicole

I am Dope

I am dope

I am that fly and that funky fresh

I am all that and then some

I am

More than you’d like to admit

My dopeness gets you lit

Gets you hype

And will set you right

And that’s when you realize

That my shine doesn’t

Dim. Your. Light

I am dope

A woman of brilliant mind

Use to be afraid of this shine

But God said that’s alright

So now I shine wherever I go

Glowing to help others grow

Moving and grooving

Perfecting this poetic flow

allowing my inner beauty to show

I am dope

Filled with beauty and wonder

Gifted and talented

I am kind and genuine

Authentic and amazing

Love is what I live and breathe

And in my dopeness

I am Queen

Royalty with an extra side a gangsta

so it’s best

To come correct

When you step to me

Approach me with respect and

I’ll offer reciprocity

I am dope

Full of flavor and pizzazz

I am hypnotic and enticing

And at times I am feisty

I am friend never foe

And in my eyes

Love is what I behold

I am dope

A spiritual movement

A helping hand

A healer

A lover

A poet

A creative

A mind glower

A giver of life

A body roller

A shoop shooer

A quiet smile

A calming touch

A support system

An inspirational being

A woman

Walking in the greatness

That lives in me..

Most of all

I am me

Embracing all of me

Sassy and classy

Moody and anxious

Often asking for forgiveness of flaws and faults

Imperfection in its greatest form

Human

But…

I. Am. Dope.

That’s all I can be..