See it before you see it

Tonight I listened to one of my favorite singer and musicians Avery Sunshine. I LOVE her so much and she is a great inspiration to me. She shared a song that she wrote before she met her husband who is also awesome. As she was introducing the song, she stated for those who are looking for love 🙌🏽(me) you gotta see it before you see it. That spoke to me. Saturday, May 2nd is my 35th birthday. I had hoped to be married and popping by now but other plans and life happens. However, no matter how many disappointments I encounter with dating and relationships, I still believe and desire love. I believe that love is for me. I believe marriage is for me. So I will take Avery’s testimony and word of wisdom and see it now while continuing in prayer over my future forever boo. I have written plenty of poems about love. But never one that truly speaks what I see into existence. Well.. maybe one. I am emotionally writing this message but y’all get the gist. Gotta see it before I see it. Speak life into it. Speak it and will it into existence.

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Newness

i must admit..

i havent smiled.. like this..

in quite some time..

your energy

wraps around me

pulling me..

soo into you..

this new found..

this.. willingness to..

be open..

this..

ability..

to share with you..

secret things..

and you not.. judge me.

got me rethinking..some things.

cuz once upon a time..

i said..

i would never..

allow another to

get this close to me..

again.. breaking down..

all barriers.

getting deep beneath my skin..

you did that.

how..

i dont know.

but.. i dont mind..

its almost like.

u appeared..

just in the nick of time.

and i am tho.rough.ly..

enjoying..

these..

moments.. of…us..

these… moments of..

gaining trust..

these.. moments..

i wouldnt want to share them with anyone else..

thank you…

for..

the continued..

smiles.

I am Dope

I am dope

I am that fly and that funky fresh

I am all that and then some

I am

More than you’d like to admit

My dopeness gets you lit

Gets you hype

And will set you right

And that’s when you realize

That my shine doesn’t

Dim. Your. Light

I am dope

A woman of brilliant mind

Use to be afraid of this shine

But God said that’s alright

So now I shine wherever I go

Glowing to help others grow

Moving and grooving

Perfecting this poetic flow

allowing my inner beauty to show

I am dope

Filled with beauty and wonder

Gifted and talented

I am kind and genuine

Authentic and amazing

Love is what I live and breathe

And in my dopeness

I am Queen

Royalty with an extra side a gangsta

so it’s best

To come correct

When you step to me

Approach me with respect and

I’ll offer reciprocity

I am dope

Full of flavor and pizzazz

I am hypnotic and enticing

And at times I am feisty

I am friend never foe

And in my eyes

Love is what I behold

I am dope

A spiritual movement

A helping hand

A healer

A lover

A poet

A creative

A mind glower

A giver of life

A body roller

A shoop shooer

A quiet smile

A calming touch

A support system

An inspirational being

A woman

Walking in the greatness

That lives in me..

Most of all

I am me

Embracing all of me

Sassy and classy

Moody and anxious

Often asking for forgiveness of flaws and faults

Imperfection in its greatest form

Human

But…

I. Am. Dope.

That’s all I can be..

Enough

You are enough

More than

And good

And although you are often misunderstood

Your light shines…

Even if you do not see it,

even if you cannot believe it

Believe this,

You are enough

Special in every kind of way

An energy of love, hope, peace, joy

Runs all through your veins

You are more than enough

So wear your smile

As your crown

Always walking with your

Head. Held. High.

Living your life on purpose

While walking in your purpose

You are good enough

So don’t you ever doubt

Your ability to be great

It’s time for you to

Shine. Out. Loud

You are enough

More than,

And good

Please never forget that.

Today, I love me more

Today I love me more

I love me when I am hardest to love

Often feeling undesirable and undeserving

I would tend to try to please

But that just took away from my being

Giving too much of my energy away for free

Today I love me more

Choosing me in each and every way

No longer afraid to speak up

Sharing what’s on my mind’s eye

giving me the best that I got

for I now know that I am enough

And regardless of hurts, pains, disappointments..

I am worthy of love

Today I love me more

Filled with love granted to me by God himself

He created me in His image

So how dare I not like what I see

In His reflection

Quieting out voices of

Those who never saw me

Those who were fighting with their own demons

No longer accepting

Others pains as the definition of me

Today I’m loving me more

Living the life that God has granted me

Walking into the Favor God has placed

On my life

No longer afraid to allow

My inner light

To illuminate the sky around me

Casting out darkness

And walking with my head held high

Lifted

Shining bright

Because my life is worth living

Today, I love me more…

Acknowledging my own dopeness

Being proud of it

‘Cause honestly, I know that I am

Lit

I am dope

I am Queen

Dare I say, I’m the shiiiiit

So, today, I love me more

And that’s just the way it is..

My promise to me

I will love me

I will love me day in and day out

In the here and now

I will love everything about my being

Always appreciative of mind, soul, and energy

Complimenting me daily

Opening my mind to new ways of showing me love

I will loooove me some me

Never having to rely on another

To attempt to see my worth

Because I already see it

Walking in the light of it every day

Because my inner light is brilliantly shining and showing me the way

It took me nearly 30 years to make this promise to myself

To see what others have tried to show me over time..

I will loooove on me so deeep

Without any question and without doubt

No hesitation and with ease

Because loving me is the only way to be free

To clear my mind of mental anxieties

To calm my extra crazy down a bit

I will love me

Because I am deserving of love.

She is beautiful

She is beautiful

Bushy eyebrows

Messy hair

Acne prone face

Glasses wearer

Imperfections according to society’s standards

But to her own, she is beautiful

She is queen in her own right

No longer afraid to

Shine out loud

She. Is. Beautiful.

Funny, genuine

Kind and crazy

She loves too hard

And is afraid of being left, abandoned

But she fights for herself

Daily

Never giving up on

Who she is becoming

She

Is

Beautiful

A mess of every kind

Knocked kneed

Jiggly

Big and bodacious

Ass phat and crooked toes

But she is beautiful

Her entire soul glows

Her light shines brighter than she realizes

Took her many years to finally

See this

She has cried many tears

To finally believe this

Walking away from the

Fear that paralyzed her

She is beautiful

Talented and gifted

Honest and worthy

She deserves her own love

Because she was made in love

The very image of God fills her up

Breathing life into lungs

Fearfully and wonderfully made

She is beautiful

I am beautiful

And I will never forget this again.

Lessons in love blues

Everything in me wants to tell you to go fuck yourself but

You know what

Go fuck yourself

Then fuck yourself again

This is my attempt of not being angry

Not living in past

But at last

I am here…

No longer with tears residing in my

Tear ducts

Leaving you was the day I walked into

Good luck, no better yet

Walked into unmovable blessings and favor

Because you were unkind

And you were untrue

I can’t believe I spent time loving you

And my love for you

Made me blind

More willing to put up with bullshit

More willing to lose me

For you

A fool I was

For you

And for some crazy reason

I believed you when you said

You was in love with me

This man who I once named a king

But you turned out to be just another

Fallacy

A remnant of what I thought dreams were made of

And I was just this foolish girl in this sick twisted up type of love

Sick and twisted

Then the light turned into darkness

Laughs became arguments

Loving moments drifted into faded pictures of what love would and could no longer be with you…

Loving you was a battle

That day you grabbed me by my hair and I saw evil in your eyes

Grabbed me by my arm and dared me to leave
Abuser

That’s your name

Narcissistic user and abuser

Your claim to fame

But I saw the good in you…

So I stayed

And i stayed

Until I couldn’t stay anymore..

My desire to love me more trumped the good I saw in you

The pain in your touch and speech outweighed the good I saw in you..

And on that Sunday, i started anew…

No goodbye. Just gone. Left

Without a trace

Erasing all evidence that

There was a we

The lesson is all I am taking with me..

Peace.

The goodbye blues

I want to

Punch you

In the throat

You were an asshole

You still are

I can’t believe that I fell for you

A fool I must be

Well a fool I was

I was your fool

And you 

And you 

Used me to your advantage 

How I never thought this could be

That I found myself

Loving you…

A nigga full of shit and demented 

Sick and twisted

But now I’m through. 

Dreams into Reality

I have dreams yall..
Like many dreams..
And there are moments
When I feel as if they
Won’t ever become my
Reality
I once read a quote
That stated..
“The difference between a
Dream and reality
Is
Action”
Action…
What does this mean?
And why haven’t I gotten any of it
Shit,
Cause I’m tired of my dreams
Just being dreams
I’m tired of living in this false sense of
Complacency
Yet scared
To
Move to
the next level
That God wants to
Take me..
Dreams turned into reality
What does action require of me?
And what am I so afraid of?
Why has it taken me this long
To become tired of weariness and stagnation?
What, why, and when?
Why is action lacking of me?
See, this fear shit
Often times gets the best of me
And I know it’s just the test of me
But I can’t take it no more…
Fear..
I’m tired of being afraid
To be my own version of great
My own kind of happy
Because right now
I’m just kinda happy
Not whole heartedly
Shit sometimes
Not half heartedly…
I just wanna be great
The great I’ve seen in my dreams
The great God has called me to be
If. I. Just. Take. That. Leap. Of.
Faith.
Faith?
I was told faith and fear can’t live together
That they cancel each other out
And that just leaves me in
Stuck
Stuck in the way I’ve been doing things
Stuck in being just okay
And nowhere near great
So I must not continue to wait
Til the timing is just right cause the timing may never be just right
And in all honesty
The right time is right now
Right here in this day
This present
Because if I wait… I may never get to
My version of great
Dreams will stay dreams
And my Reality…
Will be this constant reminder
That fear won.
Now it’s time to get things done
Because I have dreams yall…
Dreams that will turn into reality
Because I refuse to let fear win…
Fin.