Peace, Be Still!

I cannot sleep

Acid reflux and anxious thinking

Keep me

From resting

Gently

Sipping water

To ease the pain of

Acid

Creeping. Up. My.

Esophagus.

Attempting to pray

To quiet the anxious thinking

Because I did not debrief my crazy

And fear is trying to

Creep. Back. In

Unwilling to release its hold on me

Attempting to keep me in

Captivity

A prisoner of my own mind

Future tripping

Scared of the unknown

Afraid of… what if’s and

Fear knows that

So it taunts me with images

That cause me to question…

Me.

Causing me to react

In fear of… what if…

Rather than seeing clearly

The picture that is in front of me

The life that I am walking daily

Living in the present

Smiling in the present

Loving in the present

But fear… has reminded me of

What if’s…

and so now I am up…

attempting to pray silent prayers

To quiet out my crazy

To shut down the noisiness of

Fear

To challenge my faulty thinking

To stop myself of a spiral of anxious driven living.

To tell the anxious part of me

That it’s okay, we are okay. Chill the eff out.

To remind myself of who God is in me and that

He did not give me the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.

To be able to love out loud and live my life filled with purpose

I am praying for peace

For quieted thoughts and

Gentle reminders of the love that surrounds me

Because I no longer will allow

Fear to consume me…

to use and abuse me

To keep me from being happy and free

~ JJ Nicole

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Sleepless Conversations with God pt. 3

Hey God, it’s me again.
I know there have been moments
When I have been less than..
At least in my eyes..
I need to revise the ways of my
Life..
Living
Cause in this moment
During this conversation…
I am empty…
I feel empty…
Like I have nothing left to give…
But I know that I am more..
With you…
This emptiness plagues me
Because I was doing some
Worldly living…
Not living up to my full potential
And now
I feel empty
Empty and hurt
In pain..
Questioning my own self…
How I’d end up here…
Again..
Shit faced wondering
Why I allowed that event to take place
Down on my knees
Asking you, God, to forgive me
Please.
Loving men who
Never were to love me
Providing them the key
To the secret and sacred parts of me..
So here I am.. again..God
Seeking your clarity..
Asking for your guidance
To remove this emptiness
Within me…
Remove this desolate and destitute
Feeling…
Fill me with
More. Of. You.
More of you…
Allow me to see me how you see me
Without the validation
Of any…
Help me to stand in my truth
And Live. Out. Loud..
All the while…
While overstanding in you.
Loving you freely
And you show me
How to unapologetically love me..
In a more healthy way
Freeing myself of all those
Who mean harm to me…
Those who are spiritually empty..
God please fill me…
Pour your abundance of everlasting  love
Within me
Shower me with the evidence of your truths about me
Cleanse me
Drench me in your forgiveness
While allowing me to forgive myself…
Remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made..
In your image
That I am to be a virtuous woman
Walking in the virtue that is
Only God given.
Open my eyes to that…
Release me from the fear that plagues me..
The fear that destroys…
The constant bad decision making…
And Lord help me to be a better
Reflection of you..
And your grace..
This is what I pray..
My prayer on this day..
And I thank you!
In your name,
Amen

Sleepless Conversations with God pt.2

God, it’s me again..
Here I am
Crying out to you
Singing, Tamela Mann’s “Take Me to the King”
Using my internal voice as
An offering
These past few nights..
Just haven’t been right
Up all night
In a world of confusion…
So here I am..
Again
Not wanting to pretend..
My heart and mind are restless
And I beginning to feel like
A mess
So much added stress
And I know it’s all a test
And I should count it all joy
But right now
I feel so misunderstood
Misinterpreted
Slightly crazy
Like I’m
Slowly
Losing
My
Mind
So in this time
In this hour
In this moment
God, I need you to hear me
Hear me and comfort me
And most of all I need
You to speak
Show me…
All that I need to see
Ease these anxieties
Calm my spirit
And wrap me in your loving
Embrace
Because at times
Its hard to trust
It’s difficult to
Have that walk on water
Faith
So this is my prayer..
I need you.
Renew the right spirit within me
And pull me closer into you
Allow me to use
All my gifts and talents
and not be afraid
Of being great…
I surrender all to thee
Lord as you begin to rescue me
Unwind me and recreate me
Allowing me to see me
As you see me
‘Take me to the King
I don’t have much to bring
My heart is torn in pieces
This is my offering..’
Is the song I sing…
And I wonder if you hear me..