If I am honest with myself… I am tired of looking, searching, figuring out, waiting… for love. I’m trying to see it before it happens, but right now my vision is a little weary. Tired of the disappointment and constant frustration of.. yet another one biting the dust.. tired of insincerity and false promises from those who never have the intention of staying around. Clearly my picker is wrong… cause I often think I am difficult to love or something. I know I have my qualms and my issues but this can’t be life. Tired of emotionally empty nights spent next to men who don’t wanna treat me right. Tired of giving pieces of my heart on the hopes of flying on the wings of love. I’m just tired. At the verge of… giving up.. I just want the one who is meant for me.. where he at?
See it before you see it
Tonight I listened to one of my favorite singer and musicians Avery Sunshine. I LOVE her so much and she is a great inspiration to me. She shared a song that she wrote before she met her husband who is also awesome. As she was introducing the song, she stated for those who are looking for love 🙌🏽(me) you gotta see it before you see it. That spoke to me. Saturday, May 2nd is my 35th birthday. I had hoped to be married and popping by now but other plans and life happens. However, no matter how many disappointments I encounter with dating and relationships, I still believe and desire love. I believe that love is for me. I believe marriage is for me. So I will take Avery’s testimony and word of wisdom and see it now while continuing in prayer over my future forever boo. I have written plenty of poems about love. But never one that truly speaks what I see into existence. Well.. maybe one. I am emotionally writing this message but y’all get the gist. Gotta see it before I see it. Speak life into it. Speak it and will it into existence.
Random love poem
I love you
Proud and aloud
Not just today
But all day everyday
Every morning
Every afternoon
And every night
I love you in plain sight
Never hidden
Never have to guess or question
About this here love
I just love you
All of you.
And that’s just what it is.
Strange Chemistry
We. Are. Strange.
Unique.
Weird.
Quirky.
Awkward.
See around him
I become this different version of me
Shy but open
Slightly off but always on
He incites a special part of me
That very few get to see
He opens me up to new ideas
New ways of thinking
He enlightens me
Got me over here contemplating life and
Thangs
Got the nerve to have me
Creating poetry about
A we..
And I don’t even know if that is to be..
But
He moves me
Mentally and spiritually
Opening my being
Allowing my essence to
Be free
Breathe. Out. Loud.
Blooming
From the way he
Holds me
Safe and sound
I wanna quiet the sound of
Outside noise
That makes me want to doubt
Question his intentions
And run..
Cause
This man is special
Black and proud
Gifted and talented
A man of character
A revolution in himself
He is…
Different
He tickles my fancy
And make my spidey senses tingle
And When he hugs me
Peace captures me in its grasp
Got me hoping and praying
That this grows
Into this strangely beautiful
And special..
Entity..
For he is a happy place
For me
He is friend and lover
Mover and shaker
And we get to eat delicious food
Together
Listen to different genres of grooves
Together..
We. Are. Strange
We have this magical
Yet beautifully strange chemistry
We have similarities but differences of plenty
And although we are different
When we come together…
Serenity
I can’t explain it
Don’t really understand it
We just strange
Unique.
Weird
Quirky
Awkward.
And it’s beautiful.
Fear pt. 1
There are parts of me
That want to scream
Out. Loud.
I love you…
But I can’t, I won’t,
Because it’s not what I want to do right now…
Surrounded by memories of
Past loves and
Frankly, baby,
I’m tired
Exhausted for the giving of myself
On this notion that
They. Were. Love..
They were, but just not with me..
You see…
I have many years
And many tears
That have created their own wall of
Caution around my heart
And even though
You are built to last
You are an unexpected blessing
And I enjoy every second with you
I refuse to
Say those words again
Cause I’m tired.
And I’m terrified…
so although I want to
Scream out loud
I love you,
I won’t.
Love After Love
I sometimes find it difficult to
Believe in love after love
Because
Time after time
I have tried
And failed
This last time damn near broke me
Pain felt
Unimaginably
Suffering in the silence of
What I thought could be
But it couldn’t
And it wouldn’t
So I cried
Many nights to myself
Wondering if there was something
I could have done differently
Truth is
Yea… but the end result most likely
Would have been the same
I do not hate or regret
I cherish and reflect
Because I gave love
It was honest and true
And it helped me to grow
Into another version of beautiful
Learned life lessons that I can apply
Whenever I decide to try
Again
And no matter what
No matter how difficult
I will believe in
Love after love…
Fin
Magic
You. Are. Magic.
You are Mysterious and Majestic
A rare being
A Legend living
A force to be reckoned with
Goddess and Queen
You are spiritual.
You are a cosmic entity
You are the elements
created in and with all the
Brilliance and energy
You are music
The written lyrics
The melody and harmony
You are vocals and all instrumentation
You are dance
Freedom
Joyous movements
Expression
Vibrant
Colorful
Gifted
Extraordinary
You. Are. Love
Wholesome
Amazing
Patient and kind
Forgiving
Daily forgiveness of self
For settling for less
You are peace
Moving within
The serenity of your being
You are light
Brightly glowing
like black girl magic
You lit and you the shit
Humbly walking
In your truth
You. Are. Magic.
Never allow anyone to tell you otherwise
I am. Part 1
I am woman
I am movement
Calm, soothing vibrations
Gently swaying back and forth
I am an inviting energy
Creative
Momentous
Surrounding everything with love
While spreading my light so others can shine
I am the embodiment of
I am
I am woman
Amazing and kind
Gentle and warm
Gangsta and real
I am Queen
Standing with my head held high
Walking in majesty
Rocking these purple locs
Cause
Royalty is written in my
DNA
My blueprint for living
My vision, my destiny
I am woman
Unearthed
Bringing forth light unto others
Allowing my gifts to uplift and shine
No longer sitting on the sidelines
No longer accepting less than
Because I am an expression
Of more
Always recognizing that
Always asserting that
I am deserving of more
Therefore I give unto myself
More
I am woman
Proud, Black, and Beautiful
I laugh, I cry, I sing, I pray,
Never allowing my crown
To be removed
I am woman
I am all that I am
And then some
I am enough
I am every vision of love
Because love lives in my being
It runs through my veins
It covers me
I am woman
I am movement
Calm and gangsta
Royalty and love
A moving force
A gentle touch
The sweetest smile
And warming hugs
I am woman.
Newness
i must admit..
i havent smiled.. like this..
in quite some time..
your energy
wraps around me
pulling me..
soo into you..
this new found..
this.. willingness to..
be open..
this..
ability..
to share with you..
secret things..
and you not.. judge me.
got me rethinking..some things.
cuz once upon a time..
i said..
i would never..
allow another to
get this close to me..
again.. breaking down..
all barriers.
getting deep beneath my skin..
you did that.
how..
i dont know.
but.. i dont mind..
its almost like.
u appeared..
just in the nick of time.
and i am tho.rough.ly..
enjoying..
these..
moments.. of…us..
these… moments of..
gaining trust..
these.. moments..
i wouldnt want to share them with anyone else..
thank you…
for..
the continued..
smiles.
Peace, Be Still!
I cannot sleep
Acid reflux and anxious thinking
Keep me
From resting
Gently
Sipping water
To ease the pain of
Acid
Creeping. Up. My.
Esophagus.
Attempting to pray
To quiet the anxious thinking
Because I did not debrief my crazy
And fear is trying to
Creep. Back. In
Unwilling to release its hold on me
Attempting to keep me in
Captivity
A prisoner of my own mind
Future tripping
Scared of the unknown
Afraid of… what if’s and
Fear knows that
So it taunts me with images
That cause me to question…
Me.
Causing me to react
In fear of… what if…
Rather than seeing clearly
The picture that is in front of me
The life that I am walking daily
Living in the present
Smiling in the present
Loving in the present
But fear… has reminded me of
What if’s…
and so now I am up…
attempting to pray silent prayers
To quiet out my crazy
To shut down the noisiness of
Fear
To challenge my faulty thinking
To stop myself of a spiral of anxious driven living.
To tell the anxious part of me
That it’s okay, we are okay. Chill the eff out.
To remind myself of who God is in me and that
He did not give me the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.
To be able to love out loud and live my life filled with purpose
I am praying for peace
For quieted thoughts and
Gentle reminders of the love that surrounds me
Because I no longer will allow
Fear to consume me…
to use and abuse me
To keep me from being happy and free
~ JJ Nicole
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